Royal Advice For Prince George

by - Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The "Half Blood Prince," if you will. (Harry Potter fans? Anyone? Bueller?)  is a Month old tomorrow

If you've been following the royal baby bump and reading all the royal articles in all the tabloid magazines you can get your hot little hands on, then you're probably as excited as I am for the newest miniature royal.

But you know, being royal can't be easy. There are sure to be tons of difficulties that come with being born with royal blood coursing through your veins, so that baby is probably going to need some pretty sound advice from people who know the drill.

So who better to give royal advice than princes and princesses themselves?

Prince Eric

If a mute girl insists on crashing at your palace, watch out. Her father might be a sea king who loves to destroy things with his trident.

The Beast

Always be nice to old ladies. Seriously. If you're not, you might get turned into a monster, and lemme tell ya, it makes shopping for suits incredibly hard.

Prince Charming

If the first thing you learn about a girl has anything to do with shoes...RUN! She's definitely high maintenance and will nag you until you spend all your kingdom's riches on fancy footwear. She's only after you for your cash.

Snow White's Prince

Since you're a prince, sometimes if you kiss a dead girl, she'll come back to life. But I wouldn't recommend it once you're settled down and married. "But honey, she looked dead!" doesn't work as well as you might think.

Prince Philip

"I need my beauty sleep" is just another way of saying "I'm not in the mood." And yes, they'll still say that even though you're a prince.


I know your mom isn't royal by blood, so she and I have that in common. Just...never call her a street rat. Okay? Even if you're really mad at her. That's below the belt, man.


Listen. If a commoner steals a statue of you, sells her voice, and changes her species for you, it's not creepy. Just be flattered. Okay? There's no need for restraining orders.


Manscaping is overrated. Girls like men with a little hair.


You don't need a royal ball to find your wife. The best place to meet women is the shoe department. Or their step-mothers' basements.

Snow White

Never eat your mother-in-law's pies. Especially if she has a history of poisoning fruit.


No matter how many anti-aging creams you use, you will never look as hot as me after 100 years. Sorry. Maybe just have your royal portraits done early?


Use your inheritance to get a magic carpet. Girls love magic carpets.

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Written by Mason from Mason...Like the Jar

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